Dishonest Negotiators: Protect Yourself by Learning Their Game
We’ve all met them –the manipulative boss who uses lies, bullying and promises he has no intention of keeping to manipulate his workers, the politician who’ll say anything to get elected and then keeps the bare minimum needed to get re-elected, the contract negotiator who includes disingenuous provisions he intends to creatively interpret later, the dishonest business partner…
How should honest people protect themselves when dealing with pathological liars?
An age-old question, and of course most of us would prefer to avoid dealing with such people whenever possible. Avoid them, boycott them, don’t do business with them. But what if you have no choice?
Increasingly, we have no choice. In this age of massive and instant dissemination of information, the Big Lie Technique as practiced by the dictators of the 20th Century has become a new kind of misinformation warfare, not so much post-truth as truth à la carte.
We've all met people who are somewhat unreliable in their agreements, whether because of their character or the structural constraints under which they work. Some of the techniques below will be effective with them. But the real targets are the people who view the open and honest good-faith negotiation tactics that work well for most people as something to be twisted and taken advantage of.
The M.O.
In 1938, British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain went to Germany three times to discuss the question of the Sudetenland in Czechoslovakia. Hitler ranted at him repeatedly about the thousands of ethnic Germans in the Sudetenland who were allegedly being murdered by the evil Czechs. Of course, no such thing was happening. Hitler hadn’t checked one way or the other, he was simply using emotionalist lies to stir up nationalist feeling and to keep Chamberlain, a businessman and a gentleman, on the back foot.
The first time Chamberlain came, he and Hitler appeared to reach an agreement, which Hitler later broke, just as he would break the final agreement.
Faced with a Hitler who seemed willing to go to war, Chamberlain capitulated to Hitler's terms, hoping that, having got what he wanted, Hitler would now calm down. "I've got it," he told Lord Halifax.
This is the worst mistake you can make with any dishonest negotiator.
Hitler, when his foreign minister rebuked him for signing an agreement which seemed to tie his hands with regard to military action, said, "Don't take it so seriously. That piece of paper is of no further significance whatever."
Hitler, of course, was not ready for war, but he had plenty of stage-managed newsreel footage purporting to show German military might. Chamberlain, on the other hand, knew with certainty that Britain and France were still recovering from the austerity of the depressed 1930s.
It was a bluff. Hitler pushed as far as he could, gambling that no one would stop him, because, well, no one ever had.
This is exactly the M.O. of the dishonest negotiator.
Understanding Their Worldview
You see, when you sit down to hammer out an agreement, the point is to get an agreement satisfactory to both parties on which everyone can rely. That is not the approach of a dishonest negotiator.
On the contrary, his approach goes something like this:
All relationships are about power, leverage and what you can squeeze out of them
The purpose of an agreement is either to be broken or to squeeze the other party
Similarly, all standards, conventions and rules apply to everyone but them
Negotiations are a means of asserting power, with winners and losers rather than compromises
All attempts at placation and compromise are regarded as weakness. If a pattern of placation appears, they will push it as far as they think they can get away with.
On the other hand, anyone who stands up to them or tries to assert separate legitimate interests has personally slighted them as is to be regarded as an enemy
The only kind of negotiator they respect is their own kind
Their basic negotiating tactic is to avoid facts and issues entirely and make themselves the centre of attention for as long as possible
Their objective has nothing to do with fixed pragmatic interests and goals, and is instead focused entirely on their own ego
If this seems familiar, it is the worldview of the schoolyard bully. Yet most mature adults when they encounter this in adult settings have absolutely no idea what’s happening or what to do about it, because it seems to have no place in their world. Let’s have a rational look at this approach, and see what it means for us as the honest party in a negotiation.
How to Trap a Crocodile
First of all, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of advantage in negotiating at all. After all, the process will be a circus revolving around the dishonest negotiator, the agreement will be meaningless and no matter what, you’re going to get cheated. Let’s take a moment to admit that up front. There are things we can do to change that reality, but that’s where we’re starting from.
Many people confronted with this will try to take the high road. There is a certain logic in this, especially if you have allies who want to do the same. Your collective norms might continue to govern the process. But it’s not enough.
Neither the process nor the outcome will be respected unless you can enforce it in a way that is personal and lasting and grabs hold of the dishonest negotiator where he lives – his ego.
So what can we do to shape this unfortunate relationship to resist the nonsense to which it is about to be subjected?
Document Everything: Use the dishonest negotiator’s history against him, and hammer it home repeatedly that you will not deal with someone who has a history of lying, cheating, scamming and violating agreements without enforceable and meaningful guarantees. Whenever he’s unreasonable, dishonest or complains about you, treat him like the crook he is, calmly and reasonably but with the facts at your fingertips to debunk each and every lie as it comes out of his mouth. Hold him to his past statements and promises consistently.
Make Alliances If Possible: If he’s done it to you, he’s probably done it to someone else. The more like-minded allies you have, the better. His strategy will depend on shaping everyone else’s perception of reality by being the one who talks the most and draws the most attention, especially as a supposed victim of persecution. This is the Big Lie Technique in personal form – people will be inclined to think he wouldn’t say such things if they weren’t true. The more people speaking up, the more you can break down this manufactured consensus.
Red Line It: Make sure that you state publicly and repeatedly what you will not accept based on what you know of the other party’s character, what you will do about it, and then do it. He’ll keep pushing until he gets his hand slapped.
Reserve Your Big Advantages: In ordinary negotiation, the clearer the parties are with themselves and one another on their real goals, the more satisfactory the outcome. But candour is not the specialty of dishonest negotiators, and so you need to withhold on the big things and keep your own fundamental goals secret, preferably until he traps himself. Lying is his specialty, so he will trap himself if you’re patient enough. Art and patience are required to control the narrative, and he hates to have anyone else in control.
Keep Your Message Simple and Constant in Public: If the public sphere is in any way involved in the matter, the dishonest negotiator will try to draw support to himself by sensationalising, playing the victim, making outrageous statements and so on. Keep on top of it, expose each lie factually and calmly and keep your own message simple and relatable, while reviewing his own record in detail.
Facts Matter: Keep bringing the discussion relentlessly back to the facts, and make it clear that if he will not engage with the facts, you have no incentive to be there.
Let the Lawyers Have Your Back: If there’s one thing a good lawyer knows how to do, it’s how to protect the parties to a contract. Find one who’ll foolproof it for you, and if the fool won’t sign, then force him to articulate a reason.
Communicate and stick to a fixed position from which you will not make concessions without time and consultation. He’s not there to hammer out a mutually satisfactory agreement, so you can't go in with that attitude either. You need to go in with the agreement you want on paper, or rather, an agreement that is much better than what you want, plus a game plan to get the one you want, or he will destroy you in the negotiating process.
Do not make any free concessions: A free concession is a sign of weakness as far as he's concerned. You will not get a concession in return, at least, not a real one. Make sure you’re trading for something that matters, and you get it in writing right then and there.
Subduing a Twisted Perception
Even with all of this in place, he wants to become the locus of all your fear and attention. He will say anything, lie, cheat, threaten. This is about taking your power away. If you defy him, he will try to smash you, if you point out his deceptions, he will either claim to be proud of them or they call you a liar and manufacture more lies to support their claim. He's all about himself, all about this need for power and control, this need for attention and adulation.
If you try to treat him like a normal human being, or worse, like someone who can be educated or cajoled into acting like one, he will crush you. You need leverage, the bigger the better, and with legal teeth attached. Remember, he will blow past things that normal people with consciences who are capable of feeling shame would be stymied by. Shame does not deter the shameless.
Remember that he will always overreact to any resistance, so make your positions firm, overt, and stand by them to the end without any compromise and with the leverage to back it up. Bullies like it when you compromise, because to them it means weakness. Plan to use his overreactions to your advantage. Plan your battles so that the bully is fighting the wrong one.
Meanwhile, you can negotiate and compromise with all the people he has taken advantage of, because the one big thing you know that a bully does not is that cooperation is a strength, not a weakness.
Make no mistake, this is a contest of strategy. The only reason the dishonest negotiator’s strategy works is the shock factor. Careful planning and preparation, not to mention laws, regulations, relationships of trust with third parties and other factors he doesn’t understand, are more than enough to beat him, but only if you’re prepared for his tricks before you walk in the door.
